He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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