Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
