She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
