my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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