he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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