so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
