Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
