I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
