everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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