He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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