i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
