forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
