Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
