she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
