I think I won the penis lottery.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
