I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if only i could text you this smell
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
