Yo dont text me then not text me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
