im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
