if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
