If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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