I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
