I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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