He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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