If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
