Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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