I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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