i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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