i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
