You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize