seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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