Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
