My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I want is dick and wine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
