I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
