I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
