worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize