he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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