I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
