Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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