I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
