THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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