im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
