If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
