I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
