I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The air taste purple.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
