So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize