Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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