It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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