Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
