My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
