sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
