My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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