Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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