handjob tips. give me some.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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