so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
