that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
