Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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