oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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