i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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