I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
a search helicopter?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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