we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
