I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
