Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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