when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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