dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
