were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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