This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
