worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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