I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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