I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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