I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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