I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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