i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
