Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
