Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
