Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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