wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
