He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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