But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
